I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
