I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
