my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
