I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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