sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
