My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The feeling are messing with the penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
