he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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