that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
