This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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