I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
