Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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