she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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