Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
