So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
