I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
