she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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