woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
