You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
