I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
