yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
