I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
