Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
