If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
