Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
