I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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