I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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