I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
