watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
