I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
