but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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