I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
