Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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