Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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