Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
