I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
