WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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