I wanna bring you to show and tell
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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