'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
