I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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