are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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