How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
