trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
