Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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