so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
