You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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