just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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