Someone shit on the floor
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
