but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
