I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want to fling myself into the sun
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
