Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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