In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
