I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
