grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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