If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
