Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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