she woke up with a sticky ear
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
