Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
