it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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